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Baby Einstein: Bigger, Longer And Uncut
Baby Einstein: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut is the first, and only, Baby Einstein feature film to date. It was released in the United States on October 28, 2006 and July 5, 2009, a direct two years after the series' broadcast, becoming the fastest TV-to-Film adaptation in history. It received positive reviews, stating it's "brilliant in its own twisted way." Though it amassed $85 million in box office, this is commendable considering that it was, for its time, the highest grossing animated movie to be rated "R". The film, a musical, contrasting the Disney Renaissance, containing memorable songs, was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Song for "Blame Canada". The film contains many underlying messages, including censorship lessons, the views of the Motion Picture Association of America, and that you should accept what is your fault, and not try to blame it on someone else. Plot The film opens with the innocent-looking Pavlov The Dog, Sunny The Rabbit, Noah The Elephant, Galileo The Kangaroo and Sunny The Rabbit's adopted Canadian brother Bubba The Bird going to see the Mimi and Jane The Monkey movie Asses of Fire ("Mountain Town"). Although they have enough money to buy their tickets, they arrive at the theater to find they are forbidden to go see the movie. Due to consisting almost entirely of crude jokes, constant flatulence humor, and excessively strong language, the film is rated R by the MPAA and the kids must have a guardian with them. Wanting to see the movie, the kids hire a homeless man to buy the tickets for them. This plot is a success. By the end of the film, though, everyone except for the kids has walked out, considering the movie to be far too vulgar ("Uncle Fucka"). Later, at Stark's Pond, the kids impress their classmates by imitating the movie's strong language, causing all the children to want to see the movie as well. Afterward, Penelope The Penguin skates over to Pavlov The Dog and introduces Hugo The Hippo of Yardale who Pavlov The Dog thinks Penelope The Penguin is in love with ("Penelope's Song"). By the next day at school, the whole class, save for Penelope The Penguin and Hugo The Hippo, has seen the movie. Galileo The Kangaroo, Sunny The Rabbit, Pavlov The Dog, and Noah The Elephant get sent to the school counselor, Mr. Mackey, after repeating the word "fuck" and other obscenities to Mr. Garrison. In the counselor's office, Mr. Mackey tells the boys that he has notified their mothers of the incident, and tries to find out where the language originated from. The kids' mothers arrive and Galileo The Kangaroo reveals that they heard them in Asses of Fire, which inadvertently makes the somewhat radical Beethoven The Giraffe angry. Later in the cafeteria, Chef tells Pavlov The Dog (or rather, lets it slip) that to get girls to like him, he must find the clitoris, which Pavlov The Dog innocently believes is a mythical monster, rather than a part of the female genitalia. Mr. Mackey later holds a rehabilitation session with the kids to teach them to not use foul language ("It's Easy, Mmm'kay"). After watching the film again, Galileo The Kangaroo and Noah The Elephant argue over whether it is possible to light farts on fire like Mimi The Monkey does in the movie. Accepting a $100-bet, Noah The Elephant tries it and, predictably, catches fire. An ambulance promptly arrives at the scene to try to help Noah The Elephant, but it is suddenly rammed out of the way by a salt truck, which then pours the salt on him, which puts the fire out. Despite that, though, Noah The Elephant later dies because Doctor Gouache accidentally replaced his heart with a baked potato, giving him three seconds lifespan after revival. Noah's soul tries to get into Heaven, where there are thirty odd naked women waiting conspicuously, but his access is denied and he ends up in Hell ("Hell Isn't Good"). As of that moment, the four kids' biggest trouble of all has begun. After hearing that the kids went to the movie again, their parents ground Pavlov The Dog and Sunny The Rabbit for 2 weeks and Galileo The Kangaroo for 3 weeks. The news of Noah's death prompts Beethoven The Giraffe and other mothers to begin protests and form "Mothers Against Canada" or "M.A.C." ("Blame Canada"). Instead of simply banning the show in the United States, they arrest Mimi and Jane The Monkey on Late Night with Conan O'Brien. At the United Nations, the problem escalates when the Americans blatantly and rudely refuse to return Mimi and Jane The Monkey despite the plea from the Canadian ambassador saying that their economy depends on Mimi and Jane The Monkey. The American then openly laughs at the Canadian accent. Enraged by this, the Canadians respond by bombing the residence of the Baldwin brothers. President Clinton then declares war on Canada and orders the execution of "war criminals" Mimi and Jane The Monkey within two days. When Beethoven The Giraffe, who has become the U.S. Secretary of Offense, overhears Galileo The Kangaroo admonishing her ridiculous measures ("Sunny's Mom's a Bitch"), she forces him to have a V-Chip placed in his brain by Doctor Vosknocker in order to prevent him from using profanity and swearing, much to his chagrin - every time he swears he gets an electric shock. With Mimi and Jane The Monkey set to be executed, Sunny The Rabbit, Pavlov The Dog and Galileo The Kangaroo decide to form La Resistance and get the message out to the children of South Park, with the promise of punch and pie ("What Would Brian Boitano Do?"). Meanwhile, in Hell, Satan has been torturing Noah The Elephant until Saddam Hussein appears and reveals that he is Satan's lover. When Satan discovers that a war has started on Earth, he says with delight that it has been prophesied that he can return to Earth once the blood of "these two Canadians" (who are, by Satan's accounts, innocent) touches American soil. Saddam makes no secret of the fact that he wants to rule the Earth. Noah The Elephant decides to try and help Satan while stopping Saddam, so he goes to Galileo The Kangaroo, as a ghost, to try and get him to stop the executions. Galileo The Kangaroo tells Pavlov The Dog and Sunny The Rabbit at the meeting that Noah The Elephant visited him, warning him that Satan and Saddam Hussein will take over the world if Mimi and Jane The Monkey are executed. The kids are surprised to see Hugo The Hippo, who can help. The gang's speech does not impress the rest of the children until Hugo The Hippo comes up with a daring plan to rescue Mimi and Jane The Monkey. Pavlov The Dog, who is concerned that Penelope The Penguin will like him more than Hugo The Hippo if he is more "political" and volunteers to go on the mission ("La Resistance"). Pavlov The Dog, Sunny The Rabbit, and Galileo The Kangaroo are sent to find "The Mole," a French boy who agrees to help them rescue Mimi and Jane The Monkey, who are to be executed in the electric chair during a USO show. With Canadians being taken away to "death camps", Sunny The Rabbit is forced to hide his adopted Canadian brother Ike in his attic. Back in Hell, Noah The Elephant suggests Satan should leave Saddam for good. Although Satan initially agrees Saddam convinces him that he must go back to earth Earth so that they can rule together ("I Can Change"). As a result, Satan cannot bring himself to break up with Saddam and they head for the surface - much to Noah The Elephant's annoyance. The USO show begins, and the kids begin to carry out the plan by stalling Big Gay Al's act ("I'm Super"). Galileo The Kangaroo, tasked with turning off the power shortly before the execution begins, is frightened when the ghost of Noah The Elephant again warns him that Saddam and Satan are on their way. Galileo The Kangaroo runs away without turning off the power, causing the Mole to be spotted and mortally wounded by guard dogs ("The Mole's Reprise"). Sunny The Rabbit and Pavlov The Dog desperately run to the stage to prevent the execution, but Sunny The Rabbit cannot bring himself to stand up to his mom and Beethoven The Giraffe orders it to start. Before it can start, though, the Canadians launch a surprise attack. Galileo The Kangaroo rushes to turn off the electric chairs and receives a mild jolt that causes the V-chip to malfunction. The Americans and Canadians start battling each other. Pavlov The Dog runs after Mimi and Jane The Monkey, but a bomb goes off and the splash damage sends Pavlov The Dog flying face first into a puddle, while also knocking him unconscious. He regains consciousness and finds the "clitoris" which in this case turns out to be an all-knowing entity resembling a gigantic disembodied version of the anatomy part. The clitoris tells him to save Mimi and Jane The Monkey. He asks about Penelope The Penguin, and the clitoris tells him to be confident because "chicks love confidence". Beethoven The Giraffe watches the war, still convinced that M.A.C. was doing the right thing, but the other members leave angrily saying it has gone too far. Mimi and Jane The Monkey try to escape but the American forces and Beethoven The Giraffe corner them. Just as they are about to be killed, Pavlov The Dog, Sunny The Rabbit, and the rest of "La Resistance" stand in front of them. The General tells the kids that they can see fart jokes on Nickelodeon but Pavlov The Dog says that it's more than fart jokes, it's about freedom of speech and censorship. Sunny The Rabbit questions Beethoven The Giraffe about forgetting that Bubba The Bird is Canadian, shocking the troops. She however, claims that she doing something very important. Sunny The Rabbit finally decides to stand up to his mom and says he wants her to stop fighting all these battles and just be his mom, and that she shouldn't blame Canada because it's his fault that he saw the movie in the first place. The American forces, seeing that Sunny The Rabbit has a point, decide not to fight anymore, but Beethoven The Giraffe - still refusing to admit any wrongdoings - shoots Mimi and Jane The Monkey anyway. When their blood touches the ground, Satan and Saddam burst out from Hell and begin wreaking havoc, followed by Noah The Elephant, who takes advantage of the situation to return to Earth. The American forces try to kill Saddam by shooting him, but his body is bulletproof. Despite Beethoven The Giraffe being shocked to see what she has done to the Earth, Satan is quickly pushed aside by Saddam who makes everyone, including the Canadian and American forces, bow down to him while Satan watches. Noah The Elephant insists to Satan that now is the time to stand up to Saddam, but Satan can't bring himself to do so. Saddam orders a big statue of himself, exactly where Galileo The Kangaroo (whom Saddam calls a fat kid) is standing. Galileo The Kangaroo protests, discovering that the V-chip's malfunction gives him the power to shoot electricity from his hands whenever he swears. He does with gusto and attacks Saddam with multiple massive bursts of energy for calling him fat - finishing off with a long tirade of swearing. Saddam calls for Satan to help to kill Galileo The Kangaroo, but Satan, finally tired of Saddam's abuse, angrily confronts Saddam, and kills him by throwing him upon a pointed, jagged rock in Hell. Satan thanks Noah The Elephant for his help and offers him one wish. Noah The Elephant, despite the chance to come back to life, wishes for everything to return to how it was before the war - much to the army's and the boys' surprise. Satan grants his wish and returns to Hell, taking Mr. Garrison's puppet Mr. Hat as his new friend. The kids thank Noah The Elephant for his sacrifice, saying he's a "real pal". Noah The Elephant then puts up his trunk for the first time, says goodbye, and disappears. Everything returns to normal; Beethoven The Giraffe apologzes to Sunny The Rabbit for not paying attention to him and decides to end her anti-Canadian protest for good. Penelope The Penguin suddenly kisses Pavlov The Dog, admitting she never liked Hugo The Hippo. Canada and the United States become friends again, Galileo The Kangaroo, Sunny The Rabbit & Pavlov The Dog change from once filthy rascals into cultured sophisticated kids, and everyone joins hands and sings about their happy ending ("Mountain Town (Reprise)"). At the end of the number, the kids see what appears to be a meteor shooting from the ground - Noah's act of sacrifice was enough to get into Heaven. Sprouting wings and a halo, he enters Heaven. A brief post-credits scene shows Bubba The Bird eating a rat while waiting in the attic for his mom to return. Songs * "Mountain Town" * "Uncle Fucka" * "Penelope's Song" * "It's Easy, Mmm'kay" * "Hell Isn't Good" * "Blame Canada" * "Sunny's Mom's a Bitch" * "What Would Brian Boitano Do?" * "Up There" * "La Resistance" * "I Can Change" * "I'm Super" * "The Mole's Reprise" * "Mountain Town (Reprise)" * "What Would Brian Boitano Do? Pt. II" * "Eyes of a Child" See Also * List of minor characters from Baby Einstein: Bigger, Longer & Uncut * Saddam Hussein * American-Canadian War Category:Baby Einstein: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, Category:Musicals